Psychiatry and Scientology

It's not easy wearing a label. But if you've never had the joy of being both a critic of Scientology and a psychiatric patient–you've simply never lived . . .

When the psychiatrist in 1993 said lithium, I knew. Oh, they had this great new name–they didn't call people manic-depressives anymore--now they were called ‘bipolar'. It still means you have a mental illness, right? (And it sounds like an arctic bruin with a swinging life style to me.) No, it's a chemical imbalance, my new shrink told me, like diabetes.

Well, let's come into the real world. Tell somebody out here you're bipolar and watch their eyes widen. Watch ‘em back away. You're a freak. Mental. Crazy. You might do anything. Especially if you try to reassure them by mentioning the drugs you have to take every day.

From the National Institute of Mental Health--

"Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in a person's mood, energy, and ability to function. Different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through, the symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe. They can result in damaged relationships, poor job or school performance, and even suicide. But there is good news: bipolar disorder can be treated, and people with this illness can lead full and productive lives.

More than 2 million American adults, or about 1 percent of the population age 18 and older in any given year, have bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder typically develops in late adolescence or early adulthood. However, some people have their first symptoms during childhood, and some develop them late in life. It is often not recognized as an illness, and people may suffer for years before it is properly diagnosed and treated. Like diabetes or heart disease, bipolar disorder is a long-term illness that must be carefully managed throughout a person's life."

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bipolar.cfm

I had what's termed a trigger incident in 1993 when our home caught fire and we were forced to live in several rental homes for nine months. I was 37, but looking back, the signs of this charming illness began in my late teens. Fortunately my condition wasn't on the severe end of the bipolar spectrum and lithium worked almost immediately.

Damn, I had forgotten how fantastic normal felt! My mood had gone from abysmal depression to rage for several years. Ahhh, the rage....I'd beat on the walls of my bedroom with my fists until I bruised myself. And I was, repeat, not a severe case. Not suicidal. Not manic. The lovely highs others speak of were–to misquote The Raven-- "Nevermine."

In 1997, a man claiming to be a ‘business consultant' came into our store and said he could help us–and he did, by golly. His World Institute of Scientology Enterprises employer helped us out of $16,000. That story is here. I started this website in 1998.

In 2000 I stopped taking lithium and went on a new drug called topamax; this is an anti-convulsant not approved by the FDA for bipolar disorder and prescribing it for psych patients is a tad controversial. This was also the best move I've ever made, and I had a lousy shrink at the time...she later told me I wasn't bipolar. According to her, I just wanted to take topamax because one of the side effects is weight loss.

Everyone who wants a diagnosis of mental illness in his or her medical records and wants to be forced to write that on insurance applications, etc. for the rest of his or her life in order to lose 20 pounds, please raise your hand. Right. She's no longer my doctor.

The topamax not only took over the mood stabilizing functions of lithium, it also cured my social anxiety. Friends that had known me for years remarked, "Valerie has changed. She never used to come to parties, or she'd sit in a corner. Now she mingles and talks!" Since I began taking topamax I've actually flown on airplanes and spent time at seminars with total strangers–and enjoyed myself. Unless you've suffered from a social phobia, you have no concept of the complete freedom that losing it brings.

Topamax has downsides also. It affects memory, especially if your ‘oh-I-never-heard-of-that-drug-let's-use-the-PDA' shrink ramps you up on it too fast. We joke about ‘can't walk and chew gum at the same time'--I suddenly couldn't drive and sing along with the radio. Fortunately for those on the highway with me, I chose to shut my mouth. After ten years at the same location, I forgot where to turn when going to work. I actually had to say out loud, "turn at the next light," every morning for about two weeks. I still have an awful time finding the right words, and I forget names. My spelling has become bad–used to pride myself on my spelling ability. Gee, it's great to be humbled.

So, why is this here, on a website devoted to criticizing Scientology? Because I don't try to hide the fact that I have bipolar disorder.

And that confuses the cult. Actually, it makes them nuts. In 2002 they had a lawyer write to the Postal Inspectors (I work for the U.S. Postal Service. No, I don't own any guns.) and claim I had stolen some of their mail. The sole purpose of the letters, as the complaint was downright silly, seems to have been ‘outing' me as a psychiatric patient to my employer. It's likely the Church of Scientology still can't understand why the USPS didn't fire me. It's also all they could think of as my ‘crime' to put on their ‘anti-religious extremists' page at religiousfreedomwatch.org. Pretty pathetic.

The Scientologists hate psychiatry--they have a front group called the Citizens Commission on Human Rights (CCHR) which doesn't want anyone taking any kind of drugs or ever seeing a psych doctor--they'd much rather see you in their nice, warm little cult and all your nice, warm, green money in their hands. Sorry, all the vitamins and exercise on Teegeeack won't control bipolar disorder (or any other case of a real disorder--as they well know.) no matter how many high school dropouts like Tom Cruise say they will.

There is no shame in having a problem. The problem, in the case of genetic mental illness/chemical imbalance, isn't your fault. The fault lies in ignoring your symptoms. Or refusing to admit the problem.

I've received e-mail telling me how brave I am for posting about being bipolar on newsgroups, when the CoS hates psychs, etc. Me, brave? It's plain common sense. By talking about it openly, I remove their ability to use it against me. I yank the fangs right out of the vampire's dripping, rabid mouth–his flapping gums look pretty useless now, don't they?

(These people believe the souls of fried space aliens inhabit their bodies and hold soup cans to get rid of them. I should care what they think?)

Don't be ashamed. If you're embarrassed, don't tell everybody. If you have some of the symptoms, talk to a professional. For God's sake–don't abuse your friends and family any more, get some help.

Don't stop taking your meds. You aren't cured, it isn't over. I'm a Christian–but if you think the pastor laid hands on you and you're all better now, be in a controlled environment before you experiment–not the guest room. Some of the most ignorant folks I've ever met are my fellow Pentecostals, Lord love ‘em. A dear friend advised me to take stop taking my drugs to ‘see if God had healed me.' I asked her if she'd tell someone with a broken leg to bust open their cast. Tell your church family just because the problem is contained in your brain doesn't mean it's all in your mind.

DON'T stop taking your meds.